2012 Already?!?

Hey everyone.
Sorry this is terribly delayed as usual. Things have been chaotic since the new year and I have no idea where to begin. First off, happy new year! 


Honestly, I have no idea how to feel about 2012. Of course there's all the negative hype around 2012 but then there's also some things I've realized. I was never looking forward to this year. I know that sounds pretty negative but over the years I've been working through a lot of fears of the "end of the world." Now I doubt that this is the year that everything ends (C'mon, seriously? Really?). But this feels like a year where I wanted so many things accomplished. 


You know how you set goals based on your age? Well, that's exactly what I did growing up. I was hoping (more like expecting) to be married by 21, be in at least one movie by 21 (that's always been my dream: to be in Hollywood movies like Lord of the Rings or Star Wars....all fantasy based and mostly pretty clean when it comes to the world's perspective), and to have at least one child by 23. Well, this is the year that I turn 23 and to not have any of the above accomplished, I feel like I've, in a sense, lost it all. But God still reminds me everyday to hope for those things and to never give up. And even though it's hard, I plan on not giving up. Now that I look back on it, I'm actually glad that I'm not married yet....because what I know now on relationships and marriage has drastically changed my perspective on marriage and I'm going in to it with the idea "What can I GIVE to this relationship, not what can I TAKE from this relationship?" I've learned so much about life in general and how to deal with relationships in a fruitful way and I'm very thankful that I haven't pursued a deeper relationship. 


Another reason why I say this is because God has been dealing with a lot of junk in me that I never knew was there. While BSSM is amazing, and the stuff we learn in school is irreplaceable for ministry, I find the most growth I'm getting out of this year is still in the area of my identity. I thought I had it all figured out and knew who I was since BSSD but turns out, there's still a lot of hidden wounds and fears that I need healing and breakthrough in. And because of a recent conflict, I've realized that I'm SOOOOOO not ready for a relationship and this would be very hard to bring all this baggage into marriage, which is something I do NOT want to do to my husband. God is such a great Father and that He just wants the best for me and the reason why His timing is ALWAYS perfect is because He prepares us and cultivates us until we're ready and then He surprises us when we least expect it. I love how He works like that! :D 


Anyway, besides all that, I am in a HUGE need for prayer and support. I'm still able to go to Ecuador from March 22 to April 6th (they extended the dates), but I still need some finances. I can't thank all who've donated and prayed enough! You all are amazing and you're support was not in vain! I believe that God has STRATEGICALLY placed me on this trip and that He's going to really call out my identity and giftings while in Ecuador. I feel like God's going to push me beyond what I thought I could do and show me how He can use me, even when I feel like I'm ill-equipped. He can use anyone for His glory! Isn't that amazing?!? I also feel like Ecuador is on the verge of a serious shift and breakthrough and I would sooooo love to be a part of it! But there's only one thing that's holding me back, my financial situation. I did have a $1,100 payment that was due last Tuesday. I did receive about $400 of it (PRAISE GOD! And thanks to all who donated! Seriously, you're amazing! And I pray God will bless you 100-fold for what you've given me!) but I still need about $510. Now BSSM has given me a grace period to get it together but that period ends TOMORROW BY THE END OF THE DAY (That's February 1st!!). 


So if you all could continue to pray for me and/or support me financially that'd be amazing! I know God has placed me on this trip for a reason and His love will be made known to the people of Ecuador! It's going to be life-transforming! I truly believe that! 


If you'd like to partner with me on this, feel free to lift me and my team up in prayer. Also, if you'd like to support me and my team as we go to Ecuador, you can do so online at:
 https://www.ibssm.org/?action=donate&target=missions&student_id=213752 
All donations are TAX-DEDUCTIBLE and you will receive a statement at the end of the year for your tax records. If you wish to donate anonymously, just check the anonymous box. This will allow you to receive an end of the year statement, but will not allow me to see your name! You can also send a check payable to Bethel Church and can be sent to:
Bethel International
915 Twin View Blvd.
Redding, CA 96003
Don't forget to include a note designating that it's for my mission trip!

So there you have it folks. God is still working on me and doing an amazingly deep work on my heart so that I can go to the nations someday. Thanks everyone for believing in me when I sometimes doubt who I am and for being patient as God does His thing. And again, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all who have prayed/continue to pray for me and may have supported me financially! Every bit goes a long way! Even if it's only $5, it still is a HUGE blessing for me! I love you all so much! 

Well, I'm off to rest up and then do some homework!

God Bless,

~Jess~